First Prenatal Appt.

by Jason

Tara’s GYN is now Our OB-GYN – that was easy.  So, I’m reading The Expectant Father, which I highly recommend so far, and the author describes looking at his wife’s cervix during their first prenatal appt.  Apparently, their doctor asked him if he wanted to see, and his wife encouraged him to do so as it might give him some familiarity and reference to the birth canal, or whatever you call it.  I was not so lucky (sarcasm implied).  As you can tell by Tara’s post, the pelvic exam is way more intimate than my author relays the experience.  I think I’ll stay away from the telescope if you know what I mean – the myriad documentary movies should suffice.

As we were sitting in the waiting room of Azalea Women’s Healthcare, Tara began to complete the Florida Healthy Start Prenatal Screening form.  Florida Healthy Start is one of our clients, and I have many close friends and colleagues who work hard every day to ensure healthy pregnancies in our state.  Seeing Tara take the initial risk assessment gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.  Tara has no risk factors (a score of 0), in case anyone is wondering.

I think the main theme of the first trimester is going to be “PATIENCE”.  Seven more months, are you freaking kidding me?  I’m working on slowing down, being present, and enjoying the experience without being a prenatal Nazi – poor Tara, she has to put up with so much crap like this from me.

One thing I have to get better at is pictures.  I’m not one to document every little moment in life, but I think I should ramp it up from now on.  Get ready for Jason W. Griswald!!!!

Questions, Questions, Questions ...

by Jason

Question #1 “Are you excited?”

Are you psyched, I’m psyched, GET PSYCHED!!!  Of course I’m excited everyone; Tara and I have been talking about this untiringly for the past two years.  My joke used to go, “For people who don’t have kids, we certainly talk about it a lot.”  Those were fun times, as were the last five months – from the time we “pulled the goalie” to the positive identification on Sunday 5/22 at approximately 7:45pm.  Now it’s real – game on!

I’m 38 years old and about to have my first child, and I wish I could transfer my 38 year-old brain into my 25 year-old body for the next twenty years until my kids are in college.  Yes, I said “kids”.  No, Tara is NOT pregnant with twins, but it shouldn’t be a surprise to any of you that we’re already planning the second pregnancy.

Question #2 “Are you scared?”

Not anymore.  Ironically, I used to be quite afraid of pregnancy, childbirth, and infancy.  Those of you who know what I do for a living should understand that; and for the rest of you, let’s just say that I’m exposed to the worst of the worst stories.  But now that it’s a reality for us, all that is just a fading memory.  I look around and I am hyperaware of ALL the parents and kids around me.  Seriously, almost everyone does this at least to a satisfactory level – what do I have to be afraid of?  Well, if there is anything, I’m sure we’ll find out down the road.

I’m also very fortunate to have close friends who are great dads who all love their kids – lost of good examples to follow.  Plus, major props to my father and mother for being stellar examples!   So, no fear right now - I’m currently fearless.  Let’s see how long that lasts, huh.  This is not to say that I’m “winging” it; as if I could EVER do that.  This is typical Jason – pursue Plan A diligently and be ready to make adjustments as new information presents itself.  BTW, Plan A includes a lot of fun too.

Question #3 “Do you want a girl or a boy?”

I want an albino hermaphrodite midget – NOT.  Please stop asking me this, it’s an irrelevant question.  It’s the 21^st century and hopefully Tara and I have the ability to raise our kids in a gender-free environment regardless of sex (egalitarian ideology or blatant futility?)

So in closing my first post I’d like to ask you all for a modicum of creativity, and please ask me an interesting question besides 1, 2, or 3 above.  Thanks for reading and …

… Rock on wit’cha bad self!

Time to rewrite the manual.

By: Mama Stamm

Who knew about this and did not tell me?  I know a few of you have given birth.  Some of you fairly recently.  All future first time moms out there listen up!  On your first obstetrician visit, which your husband is encouraged to attend, you WILL receive a pelvic exam.  Yes, yes you will.  And yes, he will be in the room.  Hopefully busying himself in another universe with a magazine or his hang nail.  Either way, the image is there.  Forever searing his eyeballs.  Your feet in the stirrups, knees out, "closer, come closer" the doctors says.  Yes, ladies - you've all heard those words.  All the horror that just flashed through your collective female brains?  Pay attention to it and tell others.  Tell others!  You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

In your defense (yes, YOU who have been pregnant before!) Prior to the obstetrician's variety show, I read a few books.  Of course I read Ina Mae Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn, The Expectant Father, and Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay.  In addition, prior to getting pregnant I read a slew of "Motherhood" books - or books that broadly conceptualize motherhood and parenting such as: The Mommy Myth, Perfect Madness, Halving it All, When Partners become Parents, The Price of Motherhood, Consuming Motherhood and Myths of Motherhood.  I also participate in a feminist book club where we talk ad nauseum about the role of women in culture and read wonderfully enlightening and relevant books such as: Opting Out, A Strange Stirring, Delusions of Gender and Enlightened Sexism.

We could call a few of these "manuals", "guides", "primers", yea "handbooks".  Yes?  None, not a single book mentioned a pelvic exam during the first obstetrician visit where husbands are warmly welcomed.  To the authors of the collective library above: Shame upon your publishing houses!

There is a bright spot in my little horror story which is of course the Stammbino.  Please refer to the very clear and not at all vague and confusing picture for the remainder of this paragraph.  Below is a picture of the 8 week old Stammbino taken on June 20, 2011.  In the left middle of the photo is a dark kidney shaped blob that is the uterus.  In the top right of the uterus is a very young but fully formed embryo - who is apparently white (thank goodness!) and shaped like a circus peanut.  The head is down and you can sort of make out a preformed foot at the top - (very clear right?).  If you have on your reading glasses and have a magnifying glass positioned in front of the screen, please draw your attention to the lower left hand corner of the uterus.  There you will find the yolk sac which will eventually become the placenta which feeds the baby throughout gestation.

In conclusion, I will happily provide detailed reviews of the books above with the warning notes attached.  If you have not yet been pregnant and want to know the disturbing and mortifying ways that an ultrasound can be taken (also in front of your husband), please email me and I will be happy to share.  Yes, we should all be warned about that as well.  The details are not even fit for this semi-graphic venue.  I am accepting apologies and confessions below, just click the "comment" link.

I think I need a shower...      

How to make a baby in 40 weeks

By: Mama Stamm


Step 1.  Eat everything in sight: beginning with 5 Guys hamburgers and handcut french fries.  From there move on to any frozen yogurt available.  Every morning Jason makes me a grilled egg, cheese, and tomato sandwich.  He puts TWO piece of cheese inside and grills it crispy in the pan until the cheese melts down the edges of the bread.  The less than 30 seconds I spend devouring this sandwich is my favorite part of the day.  Typically from there I move on to fruit.  Luckily it's summer time so I have an amazing selection.  My favorites right now are green grapes, nectarines, blueberries, and apples.  Unfortunately I keep buying bananas and letting them rot.  So, we have four loaves of banana bread in the freezer - I call it "nesting" Jason calls it wasteful.  Lately lunch has been spent with friends.  Once I go back to work (next week) I will probably invest heavily in Amy's meals.  I cook dinner most evenings.  We pretty much have the basics for dinner - not nearly as exciting as the egg and cheese sandwich.  The only exception to the eat everything in sight step is vegetables.  Those can be pushed to the edge of the plate, fed to the dogs, and otherwise unceremoniously discarded until further notice.

Step 2. Sleep a lot: and I mean a lot.  Weeks 5-7 I was sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon and still getting 9-10 hours a night.  Good thing I did that early because I am a bit afraid I will never sleep again.  More recently I am only sleeping about 30 minutes in the afternoon.  I'm still getting 8-9 hours a night but I have to get up to pee at least twice each night which infringes on the good rest.

Step 3. Practice good manners: I try to say excuse me for every belch and fart I expel in front of others - but sometimes I forget.  I also try to mop up my drool with a napkin and cover my mouth while eating.  I am also now apparently prone to forgetfulness and clumsiness.  Don't put anything in my hand you cherish - I may drop it.

Step 4. Energy conservation what?  It's really best to keep the air inside at a chilly 76 degrees even though it is 105 degrees outside.  Honestly, just looking out the window turns my stomach.  I can see the heat shimmering off the pavement and the little grass shoots frying in the afternoon.  No way can I go out there.  Please see step 2.

Step 5. Breathe: Inhale and exhale out of the mouth...sometimes quickly, otherwise known as panting.  Seriously, I walk around my house like this, I ride bikes like this, I swim like this.  It's crazy how difficult it is to get oxygen around here.  Climb the stairs? must stop to breathe at the top.  Stepping out of the car? must pause for a good deep breath before proceeding.  Apparently this is pretty normal even in the first trimester.  The baby needs more oxygen.  The body doesn't take more breaths it just takes deeper breaths making me aware of them.

Step 6. Bore the crap out of your friends and family with all the gory details of early pregnancy symptoms.  In future posts you can look forward to intimate details of the first obstetrician visit, touring the birth center at TMH, putting ourselves on the waitlist at the preschool, parenting classes.  Stay tuned!