How to make a baby in 40 weeks

By: Mama Stamm


Step 1.  Eat everything in sight: beginning with 5 Guys hamburgers and handcut french fries.  From there move on to any frozen yogurt available.  Every morning Jason makes me a grilled egg, cheese, and tomato sandwich.  He puts TWO piece of cheese inside and grills it crispy in the pan until the cheese melts down the edges of the bread.  The less than 30 seconds I spend devouring this sandwich is my favorite part of the day.  Typically from there I move on to fruit.  Luckily it's summer time so I have an amazing selection.  My favorites right now are green grapes, nectarines, blueberries, and apples.  Unfortunately I keep buying bananas and letting them rot.  So, we have four loaves of banana bread in the freezer - I call it "nesting" Jason calls it wasteful.  Lately lunch has been spent with friends.  Once I go back to work (next week) I will probably invest heavily in Amy's meals.  I cook dinner most evenings.  We pretty much have the basics for dinner - not nearly as exciting as the egg and cheese sandwich.  The only exception to the eat everything in sight step is vegetables.  Those can be pushed to the edge of the plate, fed to the dogs, and otherwise unceremoniously discarded until further notice.

Step 2. Sleep a lot: and I mean a lot.  Weeks 5-7 I was sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon and still getting 9-10 hours a night.  Good thing I did that early because I am a bit afraid I will never sleep again.  More recently I am only sleeping about 30 minutes in the afternoon.  I'm still getting 8-9 hours a night but I have to get up to pee at least twice each night which infringes on the good rest.

Step 3. Practice good manners: I try to say excuse me for every belch and fart I expel in front of others - but sometimes I forget.  I also try to mop up my drool with a napkin and cover my mouth while eating.  I am also now apparently prone to forgetfulness and clumsiness.  Don't put anything in my hand you cherish - I may drop it.

Step 4. Energy conservation what?  It's really best to keep the air inside at a chilly 76 degrees even though it is 105 degrees outside.  Honestly, just looking out the window turns my stomach.  I can see the heat shimmering off the pavement and the little grass shoots frying in the afternoon.  No way can I go out there.  Please see step 2.

Step 5. Breathe: Inhale and exhale out of the mouth...sometimes quickly, otherwise known as panting.  Seriously, I walk around my house like this, I ride bikes like this, I swim like this.  It's crazy how difficult it is to get oxygen around here.  Climb the stairs? must stop to breathe at the top.  Stepping out of the car? must pause for a good deep breath before proceeding.  Apparently this is pretty normal even in the first trimester.  The baby needs more oxygen.  The body doesn't take more breaths it just takes deeper breaths making me aware of them.

Step 6. Bore the crap out of your friends and family with all the gory details of early pregnancy symptoms.  In future posts you can look forward to intimate details of the first obstetrician visit, touring the birth center at TMH, putting ourselves on the waitlist at the preschool, parenting classes.  Stay tuned!