Who knew about this and did not tell me? I know a few of you have given birth. Some of you fairly recently. All future first time moms out there listen up! On your first obstetrician visit, which your husband is encouraged to attend, you WILL receive a pelvic exam. Yes, yes you will. And yes, he will be in the room. Hopefully busying himself in another universe with a magazine or his hang nail. Either way, the image is there. Forever searing his eyeballs. Your feet in the stirrups, knees out, "closer, come closer" the doctors says. Yes, ladies - you've all heard those words. All the horror that just flashed through your collective female brains? Pay attention to it and tell others. Tell others! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!
In your defense (yes, YOU who have been pregnant before!) Prior to the obstetrician's variety show, I read a few books. Of course I read Ina Mae Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn, The Expectant Father, and Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay. In addition, prior to getting pregnant I read a slew of "Motherhood" books - or books that broadly conceptualize motherhood and parenting such as: The Mommy Myth, Perfect Madness, Halving it All, When Partners become Parents, The Price of Motherhood, Consuming Motherhood and Myths of Motherhood. I also participate in a feminist book club where we talk ad nauseum about the role of women in culture and read wonderfully enlightening and relevant books such as: Opting Out, A Strange Stirring, Delusions of Gender and Enlightened Sexism.
We could call a few of these "manuals", "guides", "primers", yea "handbooks". Yes? None, not a single book mentioned a pelvic exam during the first obstetrician visit where husbands are warmly welcomed. To the authors of the collective library above: Shame upon your publishing houses!
There is a bright spot in my little horror story which is of course the Stammbino. Please refer to the very clear and not at all vague and confusing picture for the remainder of this paragraph. Below is a picture of the 8 week old Stammbino taken on June 20, 2011. In the left middle of the photo is a dark kidney shaped blob that is the uterus. In the top right of the uterus is a very young but fully formed embryo - who is apparently white (thank goodness!) and shaped like a circus peanut. The head is down and you can sort of make out a preformed foot at the top - (very clear right?). If you have on your reading glasses and have a magnifying glass positioned in front of the screen, please draw your attention to the lower left hand corner of the uterus. There you will find the yolk sac which will eventually become the placenta which feeds the baby throughout gestation.
In conclusion, I will happily provide detailed reviews of the books above with the warning notes attached. If you have not yet been pregnant and want to know the disturbing and mortifying ways that an ultrasound can be taken (also in front of your husband), please email me and I will be happy to share. Yes, we should all be warned about that as well. The details are not even fit for this semi-graphic venue. I am accepting apologies and confessions below, just click the "comment" link.
I think I need a shower...
This story is hysterical! Ahhhh, memories or late nights talking with you about a passionate subject. I just hear you saying this! However, while I am laughing, I am taking notes to self. Word up! My honey definitely does not need that....nor do I! Preach sista.
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